Urhobo Historical Society
FOURTH ANNUAL CONFERENCE AND MEETING
London, England
October 31 - November 2, 2003
By Ms Janet Oromafuru Eruvbetere,
LLB (Hons.)
1.1: Collins Concise
English Dictionary
defines the word `marriage` as: “the state or relationship of being
husband and
wife.”
The Concise Oxford
English Dictionary also
defines `marriage` as “the union of a man and a woman in order to live
together
and often to have children.”
I am reasonably
certain that if we were to consult many more dictionaries, their
definitions
would be relatively similar but with minor variances. Their central
theme would
be on the state / relationship or union between man and woman. From the
above
brief review of the term marriage, I believe we can safely deduce that
the
concept of marriage in historical terms is based on the relationship
between
man and woman.
From
a Christian perspective, the Holy Bible proffers that when God
created the world, He first created a man called Adam, and seeing that
Adam
would need companionship, God created a woman called Eve to be Adam’s
wife.
From thence on, the concept of marriage between a man and a woman was
born.
However, God made man the head of the family and the wife or woman as
his
helper, and God blessed them, and commanded them to go forth and
multiply.
Therefore, there is no leadership contest between the husband and the
wife. God
made the pronouncement that the man is the head and leader of the
family. And
then, Christ our Lord commanded that as He loved the Church and died
for it, so
must the man love his wife and die for her .
2.
Who are the
Urhobo?
The
Urhobo are one of the many Nigerian tribes, and are the largest
single tribe in the present
3.
What Do We Mean
By Urhobo Traditional Marriage?
Urhobo traditional marriage
by definition bears some semblance to the above definitions in
paragraph one.
The similarity is only as far as the process of marriage revolves
around man
and woman.
Urhobo traditional marriage
is unique to Urhobo culture and traditions. Indeed, marriage in Urhobo
worldview is an enduring institution. It is sacred. It looms large
enough to
tie two independent families together forever. When blessed with
offsprings,
especially male offsprings, the nuptial knot is wedded with a cord that
neither
death nor divorce is able to unlock or separate.
I will like to state from
the very onset that the principal and most central difference between
our
marriage system and that in western cultures (particularly the European
based
cultures) -- is the fact that Urhobo marriage extends beyond the
couples
directly involved; it embraces the extended families of the spouses.
Indeed, Urhobo
marriage is a marriage of two families. This is so because the families
play
very central roles in ensuring the success of the marital relationships
from
the time of courtship through the marriage negotiations to the
contracting of
the marriage. Divorce is rare; Urhobo traditional marriage endures
beyond the
life of the husband. In fact, it is the wife’s life span. This is due
to the
fact that on the death of the husband, the wife is passed on to a
member of the
husband’s family for continued marriage. This custom provides emotional
and
financial stability, and continuity of the marriage. The families are
also
expected to intervene or mediate when there are problems or conflicts
between
husband and wife, and when the marriage relationship is threatened in
any way –
this is in total contrast to the western marriage system where family
intervention is seen as interference.
The nucleus of Urhobo
traditional marriage takes various forms. From time, there have been
some
distinct processes of marriage proposals or types of traditional
marriages. Any
of these marriage forms are recognised by our society, as they form key
aspects
of our customs and traditions. These are :
3.1 "Esavwijotor:”
Esavwijotor occurs when
parents propose marriage on behalf of their son or daughter at an early
age.
Pledges of this nature are also made and redeemed, as a result of
observed
exemplary character of a young girl or boy. It could be made as a
reward for
exceptional valour. The uses or instances of this concept are infinite.
Normally, with this type of marriage, love develops between the couple
only after
marriage has been officially contracted .
3.1 "Ose:”
This is akin to concubine.
Admitting language limitations in describing one concept by another
language, ose
is a form of marriage recognised as binding, but in which the
traditional dowry
has not been paid and accepted as prescribed. Couples may live together
or
apart, but enjoy full de facto conjugal rights and exclusiveness but
limited customary (legal) rights of husband and
wife. Some notable distinctions of this type of marriage are that such
husband
will not be allowed to bury and mourn his would-be parents in law, like
a fully
married man.
4.
Arranged Marriage in absentia
In this case, the male who is
usually abroad or outside the Urhoboland, would request his parents or
family
to marry a wife of their choice for him. Both potential husband and
wife may
not have seen or met each other previously.
During the marriage ceremony
of this type of marriage, the man’s brother or a nominated relative
would
represent him as husband of the bride.
The wife may be required to
spend some time with the absent husband’s family before being
despatched to her
new husband. Love may, or may not develop when they meet for the first
time. If
they like each other, the marriage may be consummated, and is likely to
survive. In some cases, either party may refuse to go ahead with the
marriage,
and call it off.
5. Boy-Meets-Girl and Modern
Courtship.
This
is more or less a modern concept and is not unique or particular to
Urhobo
culture or tradition of marriage terms.
However,
I need to state in passing that this process has become one of the
current
approaches used by modern day boys and girls. In most cases, the
parents may
not know of the initial courtship until their son or daughter informs
them.
Both families then get involved. If they agree, marriage plans are then
made.
The process may first be to do the traditional marriage rites, before
proceedings to either the Church marriage or the Registry .
6. The Marriage
Process.
This
is the final stage of the traditional marriage arrangements. Whichever
of the
above routes the process of courtship or engagement may have taken,
family
consent is imperative before the marriage process is finalised.
The
marriage ceremony follows the meeting of both families. Both families
would
meet at the bride’s home. An advance notice is given to the bride`s
family for
the visit. On the said day, the groom’s family will arrive at the
bride’s home.
First the bride’s family will welcome them. Drinks and kola nuts
supported with
some money will be offered to the visiting family, as is customary in
Urhobo
tradition. A spokesman for the bride’s family will make the
presentation of the
drinks and kola nuts with the money to the visiting family. The
visitor’s
spokesman will accept the presentation on behalf of the groom’s family.
After
this initial customary entertainment, the visitors are asked the
purpose of
their visit.
The
visitors would inform the bride’s family that they have come to marry
their
daughter for their son, who may or may not be present at this protocol.
If the bride’s family
accepts this explanation, they would go through a process of the
identification
of the bride they wish to marry. The visitors would be told that the
family has
many daughters; as such, its members do not know which of their
daughters their
son would like to marry. The bride’s family would then bring out a girl
who is
not the bride, and parade this girl in front of the groom’s family. The
groom
would reject this girl saying that she was not the one he wants. This
formality
would be repeated about three times. Each time a girl is paraded and
rejected,
the groom’s family would be asked to pay the rejected girl some money.
Finally,
the bride is presented to the groom to confirm the true identity of his
chosen
bride.
Once this process is
concluded, the bride’s consent would then be obtained. That is, she
will be
asked if she is willing to marry the groom.
The family of the bride can only receive the dowry if she
consents to
marry the groom. This process is only a formality on the day because in
most
cases, the dowry amount and all arrangements would normally have been
agreed
upon. That is, both families would have reached some understanding. The
groom
or his family would pay a dowry to the bride’s family. The dowry is the
price
money paid to the bride’s family on account of the bride.
It is worth mentioning here
that, it is customary that before the stage of pouring the libation is
reached,
that the potential husband and his family would pay several visits to
the
family of the bride to be. The purpose of these visits is to negotiate
and to
meet certain pre-marriage requirements stipulated by the bride’s
family. For
example: the dowry would be negotiated and agreed beforehand; the
bride’s
uncles, aunts and the bride’s father and mother would be bought several
gift items,
such as walking stick and hat, etc, for the bride’s father; wrapper,
tobacco,
etc., for her mother, and other items for her uncles, aunts, and other
relatives.
Upon acceptance of the
dowry, the bride’s father pours a libation. The libation is poured
using a native gin (ogogoro) or may be
represented by Gordon gin and kola nuts.
The bride’s father offers a prayer / blessing
for the couple. At this point, the bride sits on the husband’s lap. The
blessed
drink is handed to the husband who drinks first; he then hands it to
his wife
to drink. The wife would drink and pass it back to her husband to
finish, as a
sign of respect. Then only are they declared husband and wife. Both
family
members present at the ceremony, would then shower the couple with
money as
gifts.
This term
describes the
final stage of a full marriage according to Urhobo custom. It denotes
the
completion of all antecedent requirements necessary on the part of the
husband.
It is the escorting of the bride by
her family with her
properties, goodwill, to the head of the husband’s family, and handing
over until death of the bride as wife to the
groom’s family. A special ceremony is usually performed to invoke the
husband’s
ancestors to also receive her, and bind her over in fidelity to their
son – the
husband. The entire women receive the bride, eat and dance in the
special room
prepared for her till dawn of the following day .
7.1
Polygamy.
7.2 Implications of Polygamous Marriage.
9. The Male’s
Perspective.
The Urhobo
male finds the
Western
system of marriage as a gross and unwanted interference upon their
cherished
tradition. They see it as a restriction, and an infringement of what
they have
come to believe as their natural right to enjoy the marriage of many
wives as
they choose .
10.
General Enlightenment
/ Education.
With more women being more
educated, this brings about economic and financial independence. As
such, women
can afford to pay off their dowry, acquire their own property, which
they can
retain in their own rights.
As a conclusion,
I would like to suggest that both polygamous marriage (Urhobo) and
monogamy
(Western) have their merits and demerits, as contained in the body of
this
paper. However, it is my opinion that our daughters have come to reject
Urhobo
traditional marriage.
This is because of the
implications of the polygamous practice connected with the Urhobo
traditional
marriage. Our mothers of old only married once in the traditional way,
and were
contented with it. Modern Urhobo women can no longer tolerate the
practice of
polygamy, hence their preference for the Western marriage which
excludes the
marriage of other wives.
They also cherish the
fundamental marital rights, which the western marriage offers the
woman, e.g.,
property rights. Ultimately, I believe that there ought not to be any
provision
for the continuity of polygamous marriage in modern day Urhobo society,
particularly when today’s fathers give their daughters away in a church
or
registry marriage ceremonies, having themselves performed the
traditional
Urhobo (polygamous) marriage. Have the men stopped to question why
their
daughters now prefer the western type of marriage to the traditional
Urhobo
marriage?
If modern Urhobo fathers,
who ought to be the custodians of our customs and traditions, now
encourage the
practice of giving away their daughters in marriage at the Church or
registry;
knowing that this excludes Urhobo polygamous practice, does this not
mean that
they now give greater credence to the Western form of marriage than to
Urhobo
traditional marriage?