| Urhobo Historical Society |
Onoawarie Edevbie, M.A.,
When Harriette Cole, a former editor of Essence magazine, published her book Jumping the Broom: The African-American Wedding Planner in 1993, she was said to have noted that
Marriage is one of the most sacred junctions [in life]. And
for people
who are culturally aware, it�s only natural for them to want to
incorporate
aspects of their culture in their wedding. [Nicole Volta Avery, About Time Magazine, August 1966.]
Jumping the Broom happens to be one of a
number of unique wedding traditions that were created by
African-Americans in
spite of their difficult circumstances during the era of slavery. In
some of
the colonized regions of the New World, particularly the
The restrictions
placed on the lives of African slaves, could not however prevent the
spread of
African cultural influence that followed them in the journey across the
Atlantic to Europe and the
The success
stories reported for slave settlements in
Harriette Cole and others like
her who were imbued with the spirit of African renaissance in the
Well, dey jis� lay de broom down, �n� dem
what�s gwine ter git marry� walks out �n� steps ober dat broom bofe
togedder,
�n� de old massa, he say, �I now pronounce you man �n� wife� �n� den
dey was
marry�. Dat was all dey was t�it -no ce�mony, no license, no
nothin�,jis�
marrin.� [Description of the wedding of a slave woman
named Tempie Durham as
cited in Jumping the Broom, p.
8.]
The use of the
broom to sweep the street and family compounds or living quarters is
well known
in African communities but to give the impression that it forms a part
of
traditional wedding is another matter. A number of African communities,
such as
the Kgatla people of southern Africa and Isoko-Urhobo of
Besides Cole,
a number of other African-Americans took the trouble to travel to
different
parts of
While the kind
of inventions advocated in Cole�s book may serve a useful purpose of
reminding
African-Americans of their heritage, many recent immigrant groups of
Africans
fear that such activities have the potential to create illusions about
life in
The lack of
access and exposure to African culture is even more acute for children
born to
families of Isoko-Urhobo groups who are among recent immigrants to the
This text was
prepared to stimulate cultural awareness as parts of
continuing efforts to create a bridge to
bring Isoko-Urhobo people in the Diaspora closer to their heritage and
to help
in sustaining their culture. In a sense, the text is a familial road
map that
points to essential features that one could consider in order to design
a
wedding that will honor all aspects of the culture. The program
suggested here
for the traditional wedding, relies heavily on the use of family
members who are
essentially called upon to witness the occasion. It is also designed to
take
place at a home usually that of the parents or guardians of the bride
being a
way of bringing the two families involved together, and of establishing
ties
that could guarantee life-time commitment to love and stability of
society. The
ceremony as programmed is set to take place in the evening when most
individuals have returned home from work.
The idea of
this text was first broached when an African-American young lady, Efia
Nomsa
and her then fianc� Peter Howell, approached Ovieh and Beauty Onomake,
an
Urhobo couple, to help arrange an Urhobo traditional wedding for them
at
Onomake�s family home in Michigan in June 1996. The Ajovi
Scott-Emuakpor family
adopted a modified version of the text for the traditional wedding of
one of
their daughters at their home in
The text is
organized into five segments for ease of flow, indicating how events
move from
one stage to another. It begins with an announcement page which
provides the
names of the bride and bridegroom and of that of their parents or
guardians.
Next is the list of those officiating at the wedding that may well
feature in a
second page. A close-up sketch of how the officials operate figures in
a
seven-step procedure for the ceremony. A suggestion for a message of
goodwill
from the bride and bridegroom is made, followed by a brief description
of the
cultural elements involved in the Isoko-Urhobo traditional wedding. The
message
of goodwill is however optional and the couple involved can choose to
replace
what is suggested with a piece of their own design.
Suggested
Program
Format
1. Title of Program:
EMUERUO R� AYE
Traditional Wedding of
[Umukoro] and
[Umukọkọ]2
(Name of Bride)
(Name of Bridegroom)
Figure 1
Marriage
Rituals
Conducted in Accordance with the Traditional Laws and Customs of
Isoko-Urhobo
People of
Ceremony:
Name and Address of the home where the ceremony will be conducted.
Date and time of
Ceremony: ______________________________
2. List of
Individuals Officiating at the Ceremony:
Officiating
Facilitator:
___________________________________
Ọkpako-ro-orua (Head of the Bride�s family):__________________________
Ọsẹ v� oni r� ọpha (Parents/Guardians of the Bride):_____________________
Ọtota I (Spokesperson) for the Bride�s family: ___________________________
Ọtota II (Spokesperson) for the Groom�s family: __________________________
Parents/Guardians of the Groom: __________________________________
Usuọvwa (Groom�s lead person): ____________________________________
Ikọpha (Traditional bridesmaids): ___________________________________
Bride fee settlement team(Four-member team made up of two representatives from each side of the families, including their spokespersons): ______________________
Music: (indicate musical group hired to perform): ________________________
3. Procedural Stages
for the Ceremony:
- Welcome
Remarks and Introduction of host family and guests:
- Udede: (Welcoming of Guests)
- Ọkpako-r�-orua (Head of bride�s family) and his wife
- Ọsẹ v� oni r� ọpha (Parents of the bride)
- Formal recognition of other members of the bride�s family
- Head of Family of the prospective in-laws, and his entourage
- Parents/guardians of the Prospective bridegroom
- Formal recognition of other distinguished guests and visitors
- Ọtota I(Spokesperson for the bride�s family)3
10. Usuọvwa (bridegroom�s official representative)
- Reception
and Reciprocal show of Gratitude
1. Presentation of articles of Isoko-Urhobo traditional welcome including
kola-nuts and drinks by Ọtota
I on behalf of the bride�s family
the
prospective in-laws
followed by the sharing of kola-nuts and drinks
4. Reciprocal treatment: Presentation
of kola-nuts and drinks by the Ọtota II
on behalf of the Head of the family of the prospective bridegroom
5. Acceptance of offerings by the Ọtota I for and on behalf of the bride�s
family
6. Offering of prayers by the Head of the bridegroom�s family followed by the
sharing of kola-nuts and drinks
C. Declaration of Intent or Purpose of Visit to Bride�s Home
- Ọtota I attempts to probe or seek the reason for the visit to the home of the bride�s family
- Ọtota II responds, declares the purpose of the visit
- Ọtota I calls on Ọtota II to present the bridegroom candidate for recognition
- Ọtota II directs the Usuọvwa to present the bridegroom candidate
5. Ọtota I, inspects the candidate�s prime facie fitness as a worthy bridegroom
6.
Ọtota I, if satisfied
with the
candidate�s fitness, proceeds to the next stage of
the
program
D.
Presentation of the Bride
1.
Bride�s
family presents a number of eligible
girls including the bride
2.
The
Usuọvwa
is asked to identify the choice of the bridegroom from among the girls
presented
3.
The
bride chosen standing by her mother or female guardian is asked by Ọtota
Ito indicate her acceptance of the
marriage proposal made by the Usuọvwa on
behalf of the
bridegroom.
4.
The
Usuọvwa,
the bridegroom and his party shower the chosen bride and her mother
with gifts
for accepting the proposal
5.
The
bride is led away to another room where she is joined by her bridesmaid
6.
Ọtota
I calls on the bride�s family to go into umẹ
(short or
impromptu meeting) with him to deliberate further on the proposal
7. Ọtota I returns from the meeting with an answer for the bridegroom and his family
E.
Settling and Payment of Bride Price and other Traditional Nuptial
fees
1. Igho-rẹ- erhu, ubiọkpọ vẹ ogbru (fee to honor the bride�s
father, usually intended for him to purchase for personal use
erhu ( hat), ogbru (man�s wrapper) and ubiọkpọ (staff or traditional
walking stick)
2. Igho-ugbe-rha-re (fee to recognize and to show appreciation for the
mother�s labor pains during the birth of the bride)
3. Igho-ru-ughwa -raka (fee required to buy a bag of salt for the women of
the bride�s family to compensate them for their services)
4. Emu-ra-aye (bride�s fee negotiated between representatives of the families
of the bride and bridegroom�s families and presented by the Head of the
bridegroom�s family
F. Formalizing the Marital Union
1.
The bride is led in surrounded by her bridesmaids to stand before her
father
or the Ọkpako-r�-orua, the Head of the bride�s
family
2.
The Head of the bride�s family calls on the bride and bridegroom, and
both
of them move forward and knee
down before him
3.
The Head of the bride�s family initiates the process of formalizing by
presenting a brief account of
the lineage of the bride.
4.
The Head of the bride�s family now begins the process by holding up a
glass of drink and invoking the
name of God and the memory of the
ancestors in prayers, calling
on them to bless the new life now commencing
for their
descendant or child and the man who has
asked for her hand
in marriage
5. The Head of the bride�s family concludes his prayers by pouring libation
(offer of drink from the glass to God and in remembrance of the ancestors).
He leaves some of the drink in the glass which he offers to the bridegroom
to drink. The bridegroom after drinking some, in turn passes the same glass
to the bride to drink whatever is left, to signify her consent to the
marriage.
Drinking from the same glass is thus the bride�s acknowledgement that the
Head of her family has indeed spoken for her, and the signal needed to
indicate that members of the groom�s family are now recognized as in-
laws. The bride now returns the glass through the groom to her family
Head, a process that essentially declares the couple�s willingness and
commitment to live together as husband and wife.
6. The bride is handed over to the Head of the groom�s family, who
henceforth assumes responsibility to ensure that the husband and
his family will take good care of their new wife. The bride is directed to sit
on the laps of her new husband in their first public display of life together
as a married couple
7. The public reacts to the display by showering gifts on the newly wed as
both remain sitting.
G. Wedding Dinner and other festivities
1. Serving of bridal dinner provided by the bride�s family for the new in-laws
and their friends who witnessed the occasion
2. Other
festivities
4. Message of Goodwill from the Bride and Bridegroom:
Message from Umukoro and Umukọkọ
(first name
of bride) (first
name of the groom)
To All of our Friends and Families
To our friends
and well-wishers, this day is our chance to thank you for your
presence, all
the advice you gave, the many tears and laughter you shared with us,
the many
hugs you gave on demand and of course for all the phone calls and long
e-mail
messages we received from you,
To our
families, we thank you for the loving companionship offered over the
years by
your presence in our lives as siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces,
nephews
and children, and for all the fun we had together,
To our
parents, we cannot find enough words to say thank you for your
never-ending
patience and love, for always being there for us to turn to, just as
much as
when we did not need you as much as when we did. This day is in honor
of you as
much as it is a celebration of our love, and
To all
present, we will send each of you a note as soon as we return from our
honeymoon to settle down to our married life. So, we would really
appreciate
your kind gesture by signing our guest book and indicating your mailing
address
and phone number if you have not done so.
We hope you
have enjoyed the celebration as much as we did. And we thank you so
much again
for honoring us with your presence to day.
Love,
5.
Brief
Description of Elements Involved in Traditional Wedding
(A Glance at Traditional Wedding in Isoko and Urhobo )
Isoko-Urhobo people, one of the
major ethnic nationalities in southern
In order to
preserve family values and to ensure the stability of the society, the
process
of bringing two individuals to live together in marriage, is undertaken
with
care and a great sense of responsibility. Among the Isoko-Urhobo, the
process
of bringing a man and a woman together in marriage is an elaborate one
and it
could take months and even years to complete. The parents, guardians or
family
elders tend to take a tremendous amount of interest in the selection of
mates
for their children and younger relatives. When successfully contracted,
the
marriage becomes a union not only of a man and a woman but also of
families,
communities, and a blending of cultures if the individuals so
connected, come
from different cultural settings.
Pre-Nuptial
Activities
The process starts with the
suitor or his family using a friend or a family member to help convey
interest
to the family of the girl being considered for a wife. The friend or
family
member thus becomes the intermediary between the families during the
pre-nuptials, the ceremony, and the duration of the marriage.
Before an intermediary is
engaged, standard practice in Isoko-Urhobo requires the man�s family to
conduct
discrete inquiries to rule out any evidence of undesirable hereditary
or
genetic diseases such as insanity, leprosy and any other debilitating
disease
in the girl�s family. The inquiry can be extended to include finding
out
whether the girl�s mother is hot-tempered, quarrelsome, and lazy or is
known to
exhibit some unacceptable form of behavior that may render compromises
in a
married home difficult or capable of disrupting the running of a home.
Many
among the Isoko-Urhobo, believe that the behavior of a mother is a good
indicator of how well the daughter will behave or perform in her own
matrimonial home.
Once the man�s
relatives are satisfied with the result of the inquiry, a formal
approach is
made to the girl�s parents through the intermediary. The first meeting
with the
girl�s family offers the suitor and his family the opportunity to
officially
declare their interest and intention to marry. Usually the girl�s
parents are
showered with gifts to promote the likelihood that the family of the
girl will
treat the request in a favorable light. Usually, no formal response to
the
marriage proposal is given until after a considerable length of time
and the
intermediary may return several times before he receives an answer.
The delay in
rendering an answer gives the girl�s parents the time they need to
conduct
their own inquiries about the family of their prospective son in-law
and to
consult and intimate other members of their family about the proposal.
If the
results of the inquiries are satisfactory, the intermediary is so
informed, and
it becomes his duty to relay the message to the suitor and his family
of the
acceptance of the proposal. The intermediary will also proceed to
arrange for
the suitor and some of his friends and family members to meet the
girl�s
family.
The meeting
after the conclusion of inquiries by the girl�s family sets the stage
for
preparation for a marriage ceremony. The suitor and members of his
family offer
more gifts not only to express their joy for the approval of their
proposal for
marriage but also to seal the engagement. In addition to the offering
of gifts,
the man is expected by tradition during the period of engagement and
continuing
as long as the marriage lasted, to render services to his in-laws and
it is not
unusual for the girl�s mother to call on the man to help with a number
of
chores such as work on her farm or carrying out repair work on her
home.
Negligence in any of the obligations to the fianc�e�s family could be
interpreted
as acts of irresponsibility, which could lead to dissatisfaction, and
even to
the break-up of the engagement.
Wedding
Ceremony
The actual marriage ceremony
begins with the payment and acceptance of the �bride wealth or fee�.
The bride
fee is more than a money payment as it includes some other symbolic
presents in
the form of kola nuts, bitter kola, honey and a few bottles of gin or
wine. The
fee being paid is regarded by some as nothing more than a token of
appreciation
for all of the efforts expended by a family in raising a girl.
Speaking of
the payment of bride fee as a token of appreciation is however an
understatement. The role of bride fee in Isoko-Urhobo traditional
wedding is
rather unique as it places a number of obligations, duties and
responsibilities
on many of the individuals involved in a series of events as they occur
before
and during the life of the marriage. One prime reason for the demand of
the
bride fee is the need to secure, legitimize and enhance the place of a
woman in
a home. The proof of payment of bride fee remains the sole indicator in
Isoko-Urhobo culture, of the transition from being an unmarried woman
to a
position of respect and honor in the society as a married woman.
Without the
bride fee, the place of the woman in Isoko-Urhobo society is not
secure,
neither do women feel obligated to a man who is yet to make the
payment. Hence
until the payment of the bride fee is made on her behalf, the woman in
Isoko-Urhobo culture is not regarded as legally married to anyone. Thus
an essential
purpose of the bride fee is to help put a stamp of approval and
legality on the
living arrangement between a man and a woman as some would say, to keep
the
wife in her husband�s home. A man who has not paid the bride fee for a
woman
has no claim under Isoko-Urhobo traditional laws and custom to being
called the
husband of the woman even if he lives, or has children, with her.
The payment
also provides the necessary legitimacy for the place or role of
children in
many Isoko-Urhobo families. Children whose fathers failed or omitted to
pay
bride fee, are regarded as emọrọse
(children born
out of wedlock) and are known to have been discriminated against or
have been
denied family privileges. Some individuals have also raised doubts
about the
legitimacy of emọrọse
especially during the discussion of contentious family issues such as
those
involving funeral, inheritance and property rights. Before the advent
of DNA
tests which are now being used to settle contested issues of biological
paternity of children, Isoko-Urhobo society of earlier times, and even
today,
relied heavily on payment of bride fee as evidence that one�s parents
were
married and only then can one assert his or her rights to family
privileges.
Isoko-Urhobo
people also believe that the payment of the bride fee reminds the
husband of
the need to hold his wife in high regards or esteem. The
acknowledgement of a
special place for the wife as indicated through the payment is expected
to help
create a bond which insures that the husband does not maltreat his wife
but
appreciates, adores and loves her. The payment above all, ensures that
the girl
retains linkage and ready access to her family of origin or
orientation. The
payment and acceptance of the fee paid, is considered a proof that the
bride�s
family sanctioned or approved her marriage. The bride therefore goes
into the
marriage with confidence and a high degree of conviction that she can
rely on
her family back home for support whenever the need arises. Members of
the
family particularly those who received and accepted portions of the
bride fee
paid to them are by tradition obligated to the bride and are therefore
expected
to stand ready and be prepared to intervene and protect her interests
during
times of crisis in the marriage. Many marriages are known to have been
saved by
various levels of intervention including counseling or mediation by
family
members who are committed to the welfare of their relative.
On the other
hand, a woman who enters into a living arrangement with a man without
securing
her family�s approval as expressed through the payment of bride fee on
her
behalf, is considered to have strayed away from home or as some would
say to
have given herself away cheaply. This type of estrangement may be due
to the
decision of the girl to abscond or elope with a man of her choice after
refusing to go along with her family�s choice of a marriage proposal.
By
Isoko-Urhobo standards, she is essentially on her own. In times of
trouble with
her unrecognized man or her adopted family, she may find it difficult
to
attract sympathy from members of her family some of whom may have felt
slighted
by her unilateral decision.
In order to
avoid potential pitfalls regarding the choice of husband for a girl,
many
families in recent times, have chosen to pay particular attention to
the
feelings of the girl involved. In the past, discussions regarding the
acceptance of a proposal were considered a matter of private affairs
best left
for the two families or the girl and her mother to handle.
Nowadays, some feel that it has become necessary
to ask the girl in public view to know whether she is willing to accept
the
marriage proposal endorsed by her family before the bride fee is
negotiated and
paid. Those who advocate this approach do so, to ensure that the girl
does not
feel she was coerced into the marriage but that she understands the
implications, and therefore willingly accepts some degree of
responsibility for
the marriage. Some others in various
communities also contend that girl confirms her approval when she
agrees to
share a drink of gin or wine from the same glass with her husband,
presented to
him by the Head of the bride�s family when offering the special wedding
prayer.
Thus the sharing by the couple of the gin or wine, offered by the
family head
is a solemn act of validation of the marriage.
Although the
bride fee in each locality is known, the settlement of the fee can be a
protracted business. The transaction can become highly technical as
individuals
involved, tend to converse in less than clear language, using rich
idioms and
proverbs in Isoko or Urhobo to give instructions or to make demands
though more
often than not in polite manner. Although many of the proverbs and
idioms used
can be understood only by those with a deep knowledge and understanding
of the
customs and tradition of Isoko-Urhobo people, there is hardly any dull
moment
as one hears a lot of laughter and expressions of fun, poetry,
merriment and
joy from those involved in the transaction as they go about their
business.
During the
negotiation of the bride fee, the tendency is for the bride�s family to
ask for
more money, basing their argument on the special qualities and
character of
their daughter. The groom�s family tries to reduce the price demanded
by the
bride�s family by entering a plea for leniency and asking for
consideration of
all their pre-nuptial efforts. The family of the bride more often than
not,
will respond favorably. Such favorable response by itself does not
necessarily
mean a settlement has been reached, as the groom�s family is usually
quick to
seize upon the show of magnanimity as an opportunity to yet ask for
more
reduction of the bride fee. The family of the bride tries each time to
placate
the prospective in-laws but will never allow a reduction that falls
below local
standards. In many cases, those who took part in the negotiations from
the
bride family ask for and are entitled to some token fee in addition to
the
bride fee to compensate them for their time. Although the issues
involved are
clearly defined, the argument over what the bride fee should be, can
drag on for
a long time until both parties find themselves worn out and so decide
to reach
an amicable agreement.
In spite of
all the arguments, only a reasonable proportion of the fee agreed upon
is ever
paid on the premises that the less than full payment arrangement
precludes the
husband from ever establishing any right of full ownership of the
personhood of
his wife. It is in fact a taboo to pay the bride fee in full; it is
neither
offered or accepted. Once the bride fee is paid, the couple involved is
declared husband and wife under Isoko-Urhobo or Urhobo traditional laws
and
customs by the Head of the bride�s family. The Head, usually the oldest
male in
the family, makes the solemn declaration in a spirit of ẹkpẹvwẹ
(thanksgiving) to God and in remembrance of the ancestors, whom he
calls upon
to bless the marriage. The Head in a special wedding prayer, invokes
the five
themes traditionally used in Isoko-Urhobo prayers, namely ufuoma (peace), omakpokpọ
(good health), emọ (children), efe (wealth) and otọvwe
(long life). In the strict sense, it is only from this moment on that
sexual
relations between the couple is allowed or authorized.
The payment of
the bride fee also marks the end of the first phase of journey for a
young man
preparing to assume his place in the society as an adult. The ability
to pay
bride fee in Isoko-Urhobo society is therefore considered a major
accomplishment for both the man and his family. For the Isoko-Urhobo, a
man is
someone who is able to get married, has become established in his
profession or
career and have children needed for the continuity of his lineage.4The
feeling of accomplishment is thus a cause for joy and the rest of the
wedding
ceremony after the payment of the fee understandably involves feasting
during
which the relatives of both families, well-wishers and friends eat,
drink and
dance. The festivities at this stage essentially become a celebration
of the
attainment of the status of manhood for the groom and the becoming of
age for
the bride.
The bride fee
paid is distributed or shared among family members who feel happy for
being
recognized and appreciated as relatives of the bride. In spite of the
acceptance and distribution of the bride fee, Isoko and Isoko-Urhobo
society
regards the offer of a daughter in marriage as a life-time loan given
to her
husband�s family with the proviso that on death, her body will be
returned home
for final funeral rights and interment among her ancestors. If her
husband dies
before her, the widow can also opt to return home if she refuses to be
reassigned as wife to any of her husband�s male relatives. In this case
or any
other situations in which a woman finds cause to end a marriage, her
family is
obligated to refund the bride fee paid for her hand in marriage. The
refund is
regarded as the final act in the divorce process and thus provides the
official
recognition of the dissolution of the union.
Post-Wedding Ceremony
Following the wedding ceremony,
the newly wed are expected to establish their home among the groom�s
family.
Both families again meet but this time to set a date to move the bride
into her
husband�s home. Usually on the chosen day, there is marital blessing
during
which the parents and older members of the family pray and bless the
bride and
her marriage.
The bride
dressed in some of her finest wear, leaves for her husband�s home in
company of
a group of family women and bridesmaids under the escort of one or two
strong
men. The presence of men in the delegation is needed for security
reasons
especially to forestall any possibility of the bride being abducted by
a rival
man who may have failed in earlier attempts to secure her hand in
marriage.
Once the delegation arrived safely at the entrance to the groom�s home,
the men
consider their mission accomplished and they are expected to return
home
promptly.
Waiting to
welcome the bride at the groom�s home are family members, friends, and
well-wishers of the groom. Festivities celebrating the arrival of the
bride
will continue all night and well into the following morning. The bride
and her
escorts are showered with money and other forms of gifts. After a brief
farewell ceremony, the women escorts return home, leaving the
bridesmaids
behind to keep the bride company. In some cases, the women escorts take
home
with them gifts for the bride�s parents including the hind leg along
with the
tail of the animal slaughtered for the ceremony, for the bride�s father
back
home. The gifts are presented to the bride�s father when the escorts
give
report of what transpired during the festivities, as proof that the
bride was
well received and accepted by her husband�s family.
The
bridesmaids left behind with the bride are expected to assist the bride
in
performing many of the initial duties expected of her as she settles
down to a
married life. The bridesmaids eventually return home, though not all at
the
same time but gradually, usually one or two at time, but not completely
until
the bride has built a fairly good amount of confidence in herself to
stand on
her own when left alone at last to continue life with her husband.
REFERENCES
Avery, Nicole Volta.1996. Kiss of Culture, Ethnic Wedding Traditions, About Time Magazine, August 1996.
Cole Harriette. 2004, 2nd Edition.
Jumping the Bloom: The African-American
Wedding Planner.
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